The Cast

Herman Beckett

Age: 45

Ht: 6′10″

Wt: 230

Herman is a divorced father of two and the patriarch of the Beckett family. He was also the Third Baseman for the National League’s Hartford Weasels for 26 years. Widely regarded as the greatest player of all time, Herman’s fame is immeasurable and his fortune surpasses the GDP of Uruguay.

Unfortunately, Herman’s pampered, sheltered existence has left him with a simply baffling level of naivete, and this can be a source of frustration for pretty much everyone he ever comes across. He has no idea what to do with his money and more often than not spends it in ways that are irresponsible, if not baffling.

Herman enjoys sports, 80’s thrash metal, and shiny things.

Ht: 5′9″

Wt: 130

Kate is a high-school junior who loves music and the performing arts. She’s a bright girl who gets good grades but finds it hard to get motivated. Because of her shyness in school and her father’s status, most of her classmates tend to think she’s stuck up or spoiled. She has a fierce rivalry with her brother Thurman, and a loving, if infuriating, relationship with her father. She’s often cynical, but always tries to do the right thing whenever trouble arises. Which is often. She enjoys action movies, sitcoms, and following baseball (hey, with her dad, she kind of has to).

Thurman Beckett

Age: 9

Ht: 4′6″

Wt: 100

Thurman is a lazy, angry, spoiled brat of a 9-year-old. He tends to be dismissive toward others and incredibly self-involved. His favorite activities include video games, TV, and sleep. He is the proud owner of a 0.4 GPA, but continues to pass each grade level due to Herman’s misguided, well-meaning bribes. He loves to tease and play pranks on his sister, although his natural ineptitude usually makes this backfire. He likes any activity that involves violence, unless it also involves moving. He’s also pretty sure his dad played… football?

Penelope “Penny” O’Brien

Age: 17

Ht: 5′5″

Wt: 140

Kate’s best friend since kindergarten, Penny is an upbeat, cheerful girl whose good spirits and penchant for partying are surpassed only by her tremendous intellect. Her prodigious brainpower allows her to be the sole character who is aware of her presence in a comic strip. She chooses to remain in her current grade so she doesn’t leave her friends behind… that and she’s so far ahead that she doesn’t try very hard.

She has never known her father, and her only clues to his identity are her inherited last name,  voluminous red hair, and passionate hatred for Jay Leno.  She’s stumped.  She enjoys playing the drums, mapping out the fabric of her universe’s existence, and getting irresponsibly hammered.

Age: 9

Ht: 4′3″

Wt: 70

Thurman’s best, and, basically, only friend. Eddie loves computers and all things technological, especially gaming. A colossal nerd in denial about his inherent dorkitude, Eddie nevertheless is fairly comfortable, if inept, in social situations. He and Thurman have been best friends ever since he moved in with his dad nearly two years ago, after his mother passed away. He has an obsessive, unrequited crush on Penny, who refuses to agree with Eddie’s belief that age is “just a number, plus women live longer than men so we’ll probably die at the same time”.

Age: 43

Ht: 5′4″

Wt: 200

Bob is a bitter, stoic, spiteful man who lives next door to the Becketts and is the father of Eddie. After losing everything in an insider trading scandal, he accepted Herman’s offer to live next door and become his accountant. Despite the job and generous purchase of a house, Bob remains deeply jealous of Herman’s success, and has been ever since the two grew up together on the same suburban street. Bob is very protective of Eddie’s safety and watchful over his activities. He enjoys soft rock, talk radio, and the A&E network.

Impossibly ancient B-Movie actor known as “America’s Grandpa” when Herman was growing up. After meeting in a TV station green room, he and Herman have become fast friends. He won an Academy Award for Best Actor in 1957 for “Shot in the Head: The Abe Lincoln Story”.

Herman’s former publicist and lover, Mim has sworn revenge on him for firing her and breaking her heart. However, she isn’t very good at it. She continues to plot against him, but most of the time her efforts hurt her more than her intended target.

Tangerine-skinned, stringy-haired nemesis of Kate and to a lesser extent, Penny. Is convinced Kate is sleeping with her boyfriend. Her family, while not as rich as the Becketts, is still exceedingly wealthy. She spends most of her free time at the mall.

Alasdair (AL-uh-stir) is a friend and classmate of Kate and Penny.  He works as a cashier at the local grocery store, a job which gives him no end of grief.  Confident to a fault, he gets through his days with a thick layer of impenetrable smugness.  Also, he plays the theremin.

Dustin is another friend of the girls and bass player in their band.  He works with Alasdair as a bagger at the grocery store.  Generally quiet and laid-back, Dustin tends to keep to himself unless alcohol is involved, in which case all bets are off.

Gina is Herman’s ex-wife and the mother of Kate and Thurman.  Since her alimony ran dry recently (helped in no small part by extensive plastic surgery), she has been tirelessly trying to squeeze more money out of her ex-husband in wildly illegal ways.

Engineering student at a local University who can only seem to land internships with evil madmen or other scheming criminals.  He’s a nice guy, but work experience is hard to come by.

Penny’s mother and former unruly youth.  Had her daughter at 16 while making the rounds as a groupie trying to make it in the acting scene in New York.  She tries to act conservative, but has a lot of trouble concealing her wild side.  Had impulsive sex with Herman, who she now tries to avoid out of embarrassment.

The world’s most successful and ruthless agent.  Specializes in getting new talent wildly inappropriate wads of cash.  Andrew is ranked #5 in a Forbes poll of the world’s most powerful people under 30, the highest-ranked individual not part of a royal family.

Bodyguard and assistant to Mr. Luaertet.  Specializes in hurting people.